Unknown Certainties
by iceprincessinfinity
Summary: When something is wrong with Gary, who would suspect his depression has anything to do with his changing feelings towards his red-headed friend? Eventually Gary/Alanna.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Song of the Lioness belongs to Tamora Pierce. Not me. Unfortunately.

**Author's Note:** Okay, so this is really short. It's supposed to be, it's only an intro. I ask for reviews, ideas, and all that good stuff. Oh, and I'm sorry if the timing is a little off…I could never remember exactly what was happening at what point in any of the Tortall series, so if something seems weird I apologize in advance. This is the first time I've written fanfiction or this series! How exciting!

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**Unknown Certainties - Introduction**

"Gary, you okay?" Alanna called from the doorway. He was sitting on his bed, with his face in his hands. Almost like he was sad. It was very unusual to see him looking depressed.

Gary glanced up at Alan and grinned at him, although he was sure it looked as fake as it felt to him. He wasn't really cheerful at the moment, but he couldn't let Alan know that. "Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?"

"Just wanted to know if you wanted to ride to the City with us. Me and Jon were going to go see George." Gary breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently, his friend hadn't noticed that anything was wrong.

"Okay. We'll be in the stables – meet you there in five." Alanna turned and walked from the room. Gary had seemed a little…off. She supposed Gary was allowed to have his off days, just like the rest of them, but it was still odd to see him not joking around about everything, like he used to. He had been like this for the past week, and Alanna still couldn't figure out what was wrong. That's the main reason she decided to invite him to the City. Either Jon or George would be able to drag it out of him, somehow.

* * *

"Is he coming?" Prince Jonathan asked his squire. If Gary was coming, they were going to visit George, as they had told him, but if he wasn't then they were going to stop off at Mistress Cooper's so that Alanna could go into the City disguised for the day.

"Yeah, he said he'll come," Alanna told her friend and lover. "Please try to make him talk about this, Jon…I miss the old Gary."

"Me too, Alanna," Jon said. "Me too."

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**Author's Note: **Well, that's my intro. What do you think? I promise the next update will be quick, although I can't promise about the other ones. How come this is the only Gary/Alanna story I can find, by the way? They're my favorite couple! Even though they're not an official couple. Anyway, it just annoyed me that I couldn't find any, so I had to write one. Necessity is the mother of invention…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I hope you all know by now that I don't own Song of the Lioness.

**Author's Note:** This is a little longer, but still not super long. I'm having a slight problem – I've only written for TV shows before, so there was no writing style to follow. Now there is, and I'm afraid you can all tell you're reading a fanfic, not the actual book. Which I suppose is a good thing. But I know that many people expect the exact same writing style – and I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm doing my best, but…it's very difficult to erase my personal style. Thankfully, in this book category people seem to be relaxed about writing styles!

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**Review Replies:**

_Please note that when I start getting a ton of reviews, I won't reply to all of them. Provided I have less than 5, I'll respond to all except flames._

**tamorapiercelover101: **Thanks!

**abyssgirl: **That's where I got the idea from, actually! But this one will be different, I promise :)

* * *

It actually took seven minutes, not the promised five, for Gary to get down to the stable. "You're late," teased Jon, who was excellent at keeping time.

"No, I'm not. You're early," Gary joked right back, acting almost like his old self. Inwardly, Alanna relaxed. Maybe she had only been imagining the way Gary was acting. _No you're not,_ she mentally scolded herself. _You're not the only one who noticed! And besides, my instincts have never led me wrong before._

"Alan!" Jon called, breaking her out of her thoughts. "You ready yet?"

"Yes," she replied thoughtfully. "Let's go."

* * *

It hadn't taken very long for them to ride to the City, even with the continual conversation. And it also hadn't taken all that long to locate the Dancing Dove, since they went there practically all the time.

But Gary felt that it was taking forever for Jon and Alan to get back from their "little walk" that they had insisted on taking only a few minutes after they arrived at George's "palace".

He knew exactly why they had left, too. Jon had tried (unsuccessfully) to get Gary to talk about what was bothering him. Gary hadn't realized that his distance had been noticed by his friends. Still, though, he would have gladly told them his problem – if he knew what it was.

He supposed the smart thing to do would have been to go to his friends, so they could help him figure out what was wrong. But instead, he thought of how stupid he would look if he told them he didn't know what was wrong, so he kept his mouth shut.

And now it was coming back to haunt him, courtesy of one George Cooper.

* * *

"You don't know what's wrong?" George looked at him skeptically.

Gary nodded, rather ashamed. After much thinking, he finally decided to just tell him the truth. George was too smart for his own good – he might even be able to figure out what exactly was wrong.

To Gary's surprise, George smiled. "Normally when someone doesn't know what's wrong with them, it's because nothing really is wrong with them."

George smiled even more at Gary's confusion. "But…I've been depressed, and not myself! Doesn't that mean there's something wrong?"

George smiled yet again, mysteriously this time. "Not always, lad. Not always. But I'll wait to tell you what the problem is until Jon and Alan get back.

* * *

**Author's Note: **So, I wasn't too pleased with how this chapter turned out. And you can probably see why. Too repetitive. Notice I left this as a cliff-hanger. A not so annoying cliff-hanger, because given what the story is about you already know what the problem is. But that's okay. It made me happy to leave a cliff-hanger anyway. I'm working on the next chapter, so be expecting an update in a few days!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I notice that 99% of the people reading this story don't have an account. So I wanted to let you know that I do have anonymous reviews disabled - that means you can review even if you're not logged in or you're not a member of the site. So that's about the reviews. Now, about the updates. Um...I was on Spring Break this week, but my Calculus II midterm is next week so I might not update as frequently after this weekend. I'm really scared I'm going to fail my math class, so I need to focus and do really well on that test. My next break is summer vacation, which starts in May for me. So we'll see. I'm sure I'll get some chapters out before then.

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**Review Replies:**

**Insanity on High: **Hm...I've never even thought of Alex/Alanna before, but I think it's an awesome idea! Perhaps I'll go look at some of those stories :) I'm hoping I can do the pairing justice, but only time will tell! I've only written the non-romance parts so far. By the way - I love your name! :)

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Jon and Alanna had finally returned from their "walk"…which had really just been them waiting outside the door, listening to what was being said. They knew that George knew they were eavesdropping, which was exactly why he said he would wait to tell Gary what was wrong. But they didn't really mind. After all, they were curious to know what was going on.

"So, have you figured out what's wrong with Gary yet?" Jon asked as he and Alanna entered the room. He already knew the answer, but it was for show.

"Yes, indeed, Jon," George said with a grin. "I suppose you would like to hear what's wrong?"

"Yes, please!" Alanna burst out, tired of the anticipation. "Sorry," she said, looking apologetically at Gary. "But I do worry about you, you know."

"I know," Gary replied thoughtfully. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

George looked at them all. "Would you like to hear it now?" he questioned. They all nodded. Gary looked worried.

"Gary is in love!" he announced, his eyes twinkling.

Gary turned around to face his two friends. "I swear I'm not!" He whirled around again to face George. "I'm not, really!"

George gave him a few minutes to calm down before speaking."Maybe not yet, lad. But you will be. Who's the lucky lady?"

"There is no lady, and she certainly wouldn't be all that lucky," growled Gary, not sounding at all like the fun-loving guy everyone knew. And with that he stalked out of the room, out of the Dancing Dove, and headed back towards the castle.

* * *

_Hmph. In love, indeed,_ Gary thought while pacing the floor in his room. _I am certainly not in love! How could George possibly think that?_

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "It's me, Alan. Can I come in?" Gary frowned, but opened the door anyway.

"You don't believe that nonsense, do you?" he asked his friend the second he walked through the door.

"Of course not," Alanna said soothingly, although she privately disagreed with her words. She thought it sounded like a very likely possibility. But without a girl around besides herself, she couldn't very well say that Gary was in love without sounding like a fool.

"Thank Mithros. At least someone doesn't believe it." Alanna was silent, not having a good response to that. "I'm sorry. Did you come for a reason?" Alanna rolled her eyes.

"No, Gary, of course not. I just stopped by because I had nothing better to do." In response to the dumbfounded look on his face, she cried, "Yes I came by for a reason! You seemed really upset earlier today. I just wanted to check on you and make sure that you're okay."

"I'm fine," Gary replied. "Thanks for checking, though. Bye, Alan." And with that, his friend left the room, once again leaving him alone with his thoughts.

* * *

**Author's Note: **The chapters get longer every time…they really do. So, the story is kind of getting a mind of its own – I'm usually into romance by chapter 3. Then again, each of these chapters is a lot shorter than my normal chapters. In other words…I have no clue how long this story will be! But I'm guessing 10 chapters at least.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I. Own. Nothing. (ION, for short!) :D

**Author's Note: **This chapter is short. And I mean extremely short. When I was writing it, I got this great idea…but had to move onto the next chapter to do it. Hence this extraordinarily short chapter was the result.

By the way, both thoughts and Faithful's speech is in italics. I'll do my best to make it clear which one it is when I write it, but if for some reason you're confused, feel free to ask about it. Only Faithful's speech comes up in this chapter, however.

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**Review Replies:**

**Insanity on High:** Thanks! Yes, he is going to find out – but I'm not sure when or how! I've got a few ideas floating around in my mind, so I'll just have to keep thinking about it :)

* * *

Alanna walked back to her rooms slowly, thinking about the way Gary was acting. She knew that he was in denial –he certainly acted like it, even if he didn't realize it. But she didn't know exactly what would cause him to act that way. The Gary she knew would have just laughed off what George has said.

_Unless it was true. _The comment came from her cat, Faithful. At first, the cat's seeming ability to read her mind unnerved her, but she was used to it by now.

"What do you mean?"Alanna asked, picking her pet up and placing him on her left shoulder.

_Exactly what I said. Gary would have laughed off what George said – unless he really is in love with someone._

"So he just doesn't want us to know about it?"

_Not necessarily._

Alanna set Faithful down and he ran off, leaving her alone with her thoughts as she continued towards her room.

* * *

In truth, Gary didn't think he was in love with anyone. He was just horrified at the suggestion. Being in love suggested getting married – something that a knight shouldn't do until being in service for a year or so. What would his friends think of him?

Deep inside, he knew that they wouldn't care, and that he shouldn't either. After all, just because someone says that something is true doesn't mean it is- he could be worrying about nothing.

But he still couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. Not that anything was wrong, necessarily, just that something wasn't right.

**

* * *

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**Author's Note: **I feel terrible – I hate posting things that are this short! But to make up for it, the next chapter is longer than all my other chapters put together (I think). I'll post it up really soon – in a day or two, I promise.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **ION, as usual. How could you think that would change?

**Author's Note: **Please enjoy the longest chapter yet! I made it extra long to make up for a slight waiting period for the next chapter...I won't post it up before Friday night. I have my calculus midterm on Friday and I need to study for it, which means I can't focus on writing at the moment. Unless, of course, you would like the next chapter to contain something like lim n--oo x^2/ln(x) = H lim n--oo 2x/(1/x)...and so on so forth. No? Didn't think so. (And in case you were wondering, I wrote a bad problem. It would take a while to solve it.)

By the way, there is one little part of the story I'm changing. I'm making Cythera of Elden one of Alanna's childhood friends, so she can be in on the secret.

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**Review Replies:**

**Insanity on High:** Don't worry, he'll accept it fairly soon. I'm thinking maybe in about 3 more chapters...but we'll see.

* * *

Today was a special day. An exciting day. If your name wasn't Squire Alan, that is.

Today was the day the ladies were coming to court. Most of the squires and knights in the palace were overjoyed by this – they had waited quite some time for this day.

But Alanna was certainly not happy about this, and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Come on, Alan," teased Gary, who, after several days, seemed to be in a better mood. "You know there's a lady out there, just waiting for you to sweep her off her feet!"

Sacherell, his squire, was no better when it came to teasing Alan about his fear of social functions, and of girls.

"We all know you're acting like that just to get more girls – don't try to deny it!"

But Alanna did her best to deny that charge – mostly because it wasn't true. She didn't need rumors following her, making her life harder than it already was.

Surprisingly enough, she found the only one she could talk to during this time was Jon. Perhaps it was because he was the only one in the palace (besides Faithful) who knew her true identity. And perhaps it was because he, being her lover, knew she certainly wasn't on the lookout for another – especially one that was female.

Soon enough, though, evening would arrive, putting an end to her misery – or sending out the invitation to irritate her further.

* * *

Alanna paced the floor, muttering to herself. She didn't want to be here right now. But being Jonathan's squire, she was always thrown into the middle of every event.

"Can I _please_ leave?" she begged, trying to look miserable.

"Not yet," Jon replied. "You may leave after you dance with the ladies, if you wish."

_Before would have been nice, _Alanna thought to herself. But she kept her mouth shut out of respect for her knight-master.

Just then, there was a pause in the assorted conversations taking place. Everyone turned towards the stairs, and waited expectantly for the ladies to be announced.

Alanna sighed, and blocked out the voice that was now announcing the first lady to be presented to the court that night. It was going to be a while before she could escape.

* * *

"Alan," Jon called. "There are some ladies who would like to meet you!"

Alanna groaned. She had better things to do in her spare time! But she hurried over anyway – she didn't want a bad reputation to follow her around.

"Alan, these ladies are Delia of Eldorne, Cythera of Elden, and Heather of Maleron. Ladies, may I introduce you to Squire Alan of Trebond?" Jonathan spoke grandly, as a prince should.

"Trebond..?" questioned Cythera, before remembering her good manners. Alanna, however, had already sensed possible trouble. After formally greeting each lady in turn, she invited Lady Cythera to dance with her.

Once the music started up, Cythera followed up what she had been meaning to ask. "Don't I know you?"

In fact, she did know Alanna. And Alanna remembered Lady Cythera quite well. Elden was a close neighbor of Trebond, and although Lord Alan, Thom and Alanna's father, didn't really get along with anyone, they had seen Cythera several times.

"Yes," she grinned at her. "You and your family often visited Trebond, if I remember correctly." With any luck, Cythera wouldn't remember her brief encounters with the twins well enough to realize that the twin at the palace should have a different name.

Unfortunately, luck wasn't on her side tonight.

"But then…aren't you Thom?" Cythera looked confused.

"No, I'm Alan." Alanna replied, hoping that Cythera would just owe this to her poor memory.

But luck still wasn't on her side, because Cythera had an excellent memory.

"You can't be," Cythera told her, rather tartly. "The only Alan of Trebond has already been knighted."

Alanna sighed, knowing her game was up. In about three seconds, she should hear the astonished gasp, and then her secret would be out.

Instead, she heard a low chuckle.

"Do you mind if I accompany you to your room tonight – Alan?" she asked. Then, leaning in so no one else could hear her, she whispered, "I won't give away your secret, I promise."

The dance ended then, but Alanna still had a long night ahead of her – a night full of explanations and possible half-truths.

* * *

A little ways away, Gary was watching them thoughtfully. He never would have guessed that Alan, the notoriously shy squire, would be bringing a lady up to his room tonight.

He applauded his friend in his mind. It was about time that Alan started making a move towards someone! He was really proud of him.

But somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt sick, and he didn't know what was causing it.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I bet you thought I forgot all about Gary in this chapter! Well, I didn't. Anyway, this is the last you'll see of me for the next few days :D Bet you're glad I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **ION :D

**Author's Note: **Thank you for waiting, and staying with the story! I just hope my math teacher is as patient when he's grading my exam.

I've been working on creating some images for this - I like to create images to go with my story, it helps a lot. So I've been creating dolls for outfit ideas and hairstyles, etc. All credit goes to dollzmania, since I used their dollmakers. As you can see, I got a bit crazy with creating images, and I'll probably create more. The link for that album is:

https:// s36. photobucket. com / albums / e25 / iceprincessinfinity / Song%20of%20the%20Lioness

But without all the spaces that I put in it. If you like the images, feel free to take them. That's what that account was created for - letting people take all my photos. Because unlike some people I know, I don't have an issue with sharing :D

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**Review Replies:**

**Insanity on High: **That was just one of those ideas that slipped in there as I was finishing the chapter up- I'm rather proud of myself for it :) And he won't be suffering for too much longer (at least without knowing what it is) - it's kind of hard to write him like that, lol.

* * *

As soon as Alanna closed the door, Cythera sat down on the bed and looked up at her expectantly.

"Shall I beg for the explanation, or are you just going to tell me?"

Alanna glared, although only slightly. "Or, you could tell me what you've guessed."

"Fair enough," Cythera replied. "I know that you're a girl – the name's Alanna, isn't it?"

Alanna nodded, and motioned for her to continue.

"I remember you and your twin from short meetings in the woods. You were always the one running ahead, pretending to fight. Your brother was always lagging behind. That knowledge plus the name change was enough to tell me that you two must have switched places or something."

_Wow. This girl is pretty smart, _Alanna couldn't help but think. "You're right," she admitted. "But with how quickly you found out, I'm surprised I've been able to keep my secret from the boys for this long!"

"Don't worry," Cythera smiled. "They didn't know you before you came here, so they wouldn't be able to figure it out. And I don't have any intention of telling them about you."

Alanna stared blankly at her. "I appreciate it, but…why? You could easily choose to destroy my life right now."

"I don't want to," Cythera said. "You seem like a nice person – probably more deserving of the title of 'knight' than any of the others are. Besides…if you don't put the boys in their place, who will?"

And with a smile and a promise to talk to her again later, Cythera left the room.

* * *

"Flirting with the ladies, squire?" Jonathan had come back to his room rather late, and stopped to talk to Alanna on the way.

"No. Just talking," she replied thoughtfully.

"May I ask about what?" Lately, Jon had this habit of prying into Alanna's business.

"Certainly," she replied sweetly. "But I hope you're not expecting an answer."

She waited until she heard Jon leave the room before she got up and locked the door.

* * *

Gary was still staring off in the direction of Alanna's room when he saw Cythera reappear. _That was fast, _he thought. He also felt like a great deal of pressure had been lifted off of him, but he chose to ignore this. It didn't mean anything.

It was another minute before he noticed that Cythera was walking towards him. He raised his eyebrows slightly – had she had such a bad time with Alan that she was looking for someone else?

"May I help you, Lady..?" he trailed off.

"Cythera," she replied. "And yes. I seem to a bit lost – can you tell me which way the entrance is?"

Gary sighed in relief. That was all she wanted. "Of course – you'll find the door in that direction," he said, pointing behind him.

"Thank you."

Gary turned around in time to see her exit the room. _She's kind of pretty…wonder if it's too late to go ask Alan how his night went?_

It wasn't really all that late. So he decided to go and talk to his friend.

* * *

Another knock on the door. Alanna rolled her eyes. What did he want now?

She pulled the door open. "Jon, I already said I'm not telling you…" she stopped talking as soon as she noticed the person standing outside her door was not Jon, but Gary. Thankfully, she was still dressed as a boy, and hadn't even slipped off the uncomfortable corset yet.

"Jon jealous that you got a lady, and he didn't?"

Alanna grinned. Nothing could be further from the truth. But it was best not to let Gary know that. "Yeah, probably," she finally replied.

Gary shuffled his feet uncomfortably, and walked into the room. "So, Cythera is really pretty. I didn't think I would ever see you with a lady."

Alanna had to muffle a slight gasp of surprise. She had completely forgotten what it would look like if a lady came back to her room. Should she just go along with it, or tell the truth?

She eventually decided on the truth."Actually, Lady Cythera and I have known each other since childhood. She only came up here to talk with me."

"So you're…friends, then?" Gary grinned at her, as if he didn't believe her.

"Yes," she replied indignantly. "What's wrong with us guys being friends with ladies?"

He seemed taken aback by the question. "Nothing, I suppose…it's just a bit unnatural. I'm not 'just friends' with any lady."

_Yeah right, _Alanna thought smugly. _Shows what you know._ But she chose to keep her mouth shut, for once…there was no need for Gary to find out who she truly was yet!

"Yeah, well…I know you believe me anyway. Goodnight, Gary."

Gary didn't feel much like walking all the way back to his room right now, but he knew better than to stay in the same room as Alan when he was in a bad mood.

"Okay, then. Goodnight."

* * *

**Author's Note: **That was a little bit of a nothing chapter. And probably not as good. But, blame it on stress from not only my exam, but a 7 page paper and a powerpoint I was forced to do in less than 2 hours. How I could hate school after this semester...


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **Oh, do I even have to say it?

**Author's Note: **I am so sorry that it took me so long to come back here! Life got in the way, but…I'm ready to write more now, really. In fact, as a special treat for you, you get an update every day for the next…3 days. I wrote in advance so this wouldn't happen again!

* * *

"Oh, thank you!" Cythera squealed as Alanna finished helping her put on her makeup.

"I'm surprised you wanted me to do it. You know that I of all people don't have that much experience putting that stuff on." Alanna gave a slight shiver; imagine what her friends would say if they saw her wear makeup while being dressed as a squire!

"You said you dress up as a girl sometimes," Cythera pointed out. "That means makeup. But actually, I wasn't just thanking you for that. I was thanking you for agreeing to take me to the party tonight."

"Oh. That." Alanna tried to stop the blush from coming to her cheeks, but she couldn't. "Not really a problem…I mean, it's my fault you weren't downstairs long enough to find a date."

Cythera frowned a little, but said, "Besides, your friends are expecting it. And so are mine."

"You have friends?" at Cythera's glare, Alanna quickly said, "That came out wrong. What I meant to say is that none of the girls seem to be enough like you for you to want to be near them."

"No, there are some nice ones. But all of them care much more about Court than I do, that much is true. That doesn't mean I don't get along with them, though."

Alanna nodded thoughtfully. She didn't know much about other women, since her mother was dead and she lived all her life – home and at the palace – with men, not women.

"Oh," Alanna replied simply.

"Yes, I know, very confusing," Cythera said, even though she didn't really think it was confusing in the least. "Now come on, we're going to be late!"

* * *

Alanna could barely hear Cythera talk over all the noise and chatter of the party. It made her feel foolish to have to ask the girl to repeat everything that she said. She was almost glad when Cythera suggested they dance for a little while, even though Alanna found it to be rather awkward.

After the dance was over, Alanna noticed Gary sitting a ways away, sighing and staring off into space. "He looks kind of upset," Alanna told Cythera. "Maybe we should go talk to him."

"Him?" Cythera pointed at Gary, and Alanna nodded. "Yeah, that's him."

"I met him! I didn't realize he was a friend of yours."

Alanna would have replied, except that Gary had seen them and was approaching them now.

"Ah, Alan! And the lovely Lady Cythera!" Gary beamed at them."'Just friends', huh?" he muttered to Alanna, throwing her words back in her face. She had known that Gary didn't believe her, and it didn't bother her all that much. After all, she could talk her way out of it…eventually.

"Yes," she shot back at him furiously, ignoring the look she received from Cythera.

"Alan, would it be okay if I asked your 'friend' to dance with me?" he asked, an amused twinkle in his eye.

Cythera replied for her. "I would love to dance with you, Sir Gary." She curtsied gratefully, and accepted his offered hand.

* * *

As he led Cythera to the dance floor, he felt happy. Happy to be separating her and Alan, even though a part of him felt bad for wanting to dance with his friend's lady. But he couldn't explain it. He just felt like he needed to put distance between Alan and Cythera.

Maybe he _was_ in love. With Lady Cythera.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Man, am I making Gary dumb! I don't really think he's dumb, but sometimes when you're witty and smart you're completely oblivious to matters of the heart. So maybe that's why I'm writing him that way :D Anyway, that was your first clue that we've finally entered the important part of the story!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **You can't possibly still think I own Song of the Lioness.

**Author's Note: **I can't be the only person who thinks color contacts would have been a great thing for Alanna to have – after all, purple eyes are very unusual. But, they were never put in the story. I've decided to add them in – please ignore that they probably don't exist in Tortall. Oh, and you may have noticed that the story is mostly parties from now on. But that's the only way I know of to bring Cythera into the storyline! If anyone has any alternatives, I would be really grateful…otherwise, this is going to seem rather repetitive.

* * *

Alanna looked at herself in the mirror, astonished. She didn't look half bad, really. But she didn't look like herself, either. She wore a black wig, with gentle curls. And she now also had light blue eyes, instead of her normal purple, thanks to the help of a new invention – color contacts. They were a little uncomfortable to put in, she thought, but they were useful.

She heard a knock on the door. "Alanna, are you ready yet?" It was Jon, ready to escort her downstairs. It was under his instruction that she go to the party tonight dressed as a girl, to pick up all the information she could – although what good that would do, she had no idea. After all, who was there to collect information from?

"Just about!" She called out, adjusting her light blue gown.

As she emerged from the room, Jon groaned. "Watch how you walk!" he warned her.

"No one else would notice," she replied, and set off at a fast pace downstairs.

* * *

She quickly decided to lose Jon and just walk around on her own. Besides, Jon would drag her to talk to everyone, and she really wanted to avoid her friends. What if they recognized her?

She laughed to herself. _If I don't recognize myself, then they certainly won't!_ But still, she would be too nervous if she talked to them. Best to just stay away.

* * *

A ways away, Gary and Cythera were walking near the tables when Cythera spotted Alanna, and noticed her awkward gait. Alanna had told her that she would be attending the party as a girl, but Cythera hadn't known what she looked like. She dragged Gary towards her.

"Where are we going?" he demanded.

"To see her," she pointed at Alanna.

Gary squinted off in her direction and said, "I've never seen her before. Do you know her?"

Cythera laughed before replying. "Of course! That's Alanna. You remem…oh." She broke off mid-word and mid-sentence, covering it up with saying, "she's from Citrus Grove, it's a rather small fief."

"It must be," Gary replied, a bit confused. "I've never heard of it before."

But his nonexistent knowledge of Citrus Grove didn't stop him from being polite to Alanna when Cythera introduced them, stifling giggles the whole time.

* * *

Normally Gary would have started a conversation, and danced with her, as he was very good with ladies. But there was something odd about Lady Alanna.

First of all, her makeup was applied a bit heavier than the other girl's makeup.

And she walked kind of funny.

She didn't seem to know proper table manners.

She fell over whenever she tried to curtsy.

But the most confusing thing of all was how informal she was. Normally he was "Sir Gary" to new ladies. Now he was just "Gary", and the girl insisted that he simply call her "Alanna" instead of "Lady Alanna".

But despite all of this, he liked her.

* * *

"She was nice," he commented to Cythera close to the end of the party. "Odd…I kind of feel like I know her from somewhere."

"Odd indeed," she replied, attempting to sound shocked and failing miserably. Luckily, Gary didn't notice.

"I guess I'll see you later, then?" Gary asked her, as he turned towards the door.

"Yes," she replied. "Goodbye, Gary. I had a lovely time tonight!" She walked towards the door at a fast pace to leave him behind, and after a minute she glanced back and he had his head turned. She quickly ran up to Alanna's room. It was time to talk to her dear friend about the party.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Another short chapter...ugh. I hate writing short chapters. Don't worry though, a long one is coming up soon!


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **When I opened my Christmas presents today, the rights to Song of Lioness wasn't one of them.

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay in updates...this has been a busy time. I'll take this time to say Happy Holidays!!! :) I hope everyone had a good Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa! I know mine was fairly good, especially when I took the time to read some reviews for this book.Anyway, this is a very important chapter…pay attention!

* * *

Alanna heard a knock on her door. She froze. She was still in a dress, but she had taken her wig and contacts off. She silently moved towards the door, ready to bolt it shut if someone tried to come in.

"Please, open the door?" Cythera begged from the other side. Alanna relaxed. She had nothing to fear by being seen in a dress by Lady Cythera.

Alanna backed away, so when the door opened it wouldn't reveal her. "Quickly!" she hissed, ushering her friend inside. She then shut the door and locked it.

"That was risky," Alanna commented, as she turned to look at Cythera.

"Beg your pardon?" Cythera asked.

"Bringing Gary over. What if he recognized me?" She sounded panicky.

"He didn't, though" Cythera pointed out, with a smug look on her face.

"But he might have." Alanna sighed, and glanced in the mirror. "I didn't realize he could be so charming," she commented.

"Oh?" Cythera looked at her. "You found him charming? I'm sure he'll find that quite fascinating…"

"Don't tell him!" Alanna cut her off.

"Why not?" Cythera teased. "He's not really all that interested in me, even though he might think he is…I can tell. Maybe you're more his type." She hid her grin with a gloved hand.

"Nonsense." Alanna shook her head, amused at her friend's silliness. "He's just my friend – not that he knows who I am when I'm dressed as a girl. He could never be interested in me." Her tone was light, even cheerful, but Cythera thought she saw a slightly sad look on her face. "Besides," she added. "I'm with Jonathan."

"You…what?" Cythera gasped. "But he still…he…he dances with everyone!"

"I know," commented Alanna. "He's the Prince. He has to."

"But aren't you jealous?" Cythera inquired. She had known that Jon was aware of Alanna's true identity, but she hadn't been aware of these small details.

"A little," Alanna admitted. "But it doesn't do much good. So I never tell him that I am." She turned. The interview was over, in her mind. It made her sad to reflect on her relationship with Jon, because she knew it could never get to its full potential.

However, Cythera wasn't done asking questions. "Are you going to marry him one day?" She wanted to know. "Will you be Queen?"

Alanna once again revolved to face Cythera. She looked very sad. "No." she said. "I'm not going to marry him." She quickly hid her face. She could feel tears coming on.

"But…why? So many people would do anything to be with him…why don't you want to marry him?"

Alanna was having a hard time holding her tears back now. "It's not that I wouldn't, but I…what I want is freedom, and as much as I love Jon…I could never marry him, because that life wouldn't allow me to have any freedom."

Cythera gave her a look of understanding, and got up to give Alanna a hug. "You can't do this to him, Alanna…if he's actually serious about being with you, he'll be expecting you to marry him someday. And that time probably isn't as far off as you might think. Alanna I…I hate to say it…but…you might want to consider leaving him."

Alanna gave up fighting her tears. She sobbed into Cythera's shoulder, and Cythera did her best to comfort her. "I know," she said. "I know."

* * *

"Jon, we need to talk…"

It was two days after her talk with Cythera, and Alanna knew what had to be done.

"Can't it wait?" Jon asked in surprise.

"No, it can't." Alanna's voice was firm, but she still tried to make it clear that this was a request, not an order. She didn't want to make this any worse than it already was.

"Okay." Jon looked at her. "Just say it, Alanna. You don't need to be afraid."

Alanna looked back, but sadly. "That's what you think" she whispered. "Jon, we…we can't be together anymore. I still want to be your squire, if you'll have me…and I still…I still care for you…but…we just can't be together, I'm so sorry…" she glanced guiltily at the floor, and then back at Jon, afraid to say anything else.

Jon's face was stony, but not surprised. "I knew this was coming." He told her. "And I…I thought I could change your mind, convince you to stay. But I guess I couldn't."

"I'm so sorry, Jon…"

"Don't be. But please…leave me alone. Just for now…I'll be okay in a few days." And so Alanna went back to her room, leaving Jon alone, with just his thoughts for company.

* * *

"Well?" an impatient Cythera demanded. "How did it go?"

"I…I don't know." Alanna said listlessly. She wasn't herself. "He…didn't seem to angry, just…upset."

"Alanna, that's understandable. These things are very difficult, and usually unexpected. He's probably just in shock."

"But…he knew it was coming." Alanna said slowly. "It's not shock…"

"Yes it is," Cythera insisted. "Really. But that's not the important thing right now. The important thing is to look to the future. And to get your mind off this."

"But how?" Alanna wailed, inwardly wincing at the drama she was immersing herself in.

"Talk to someone. Not me – you're not used to thinking from a girl's point of view, so I won't be much help. Go talk to one of your friends. I have to go back to my rooms now – I'll see you later."

* * *

As luck had it, the first person Alanna bumped into was Gary.

"Alan?" he asked, concerned. "What's wrong? Have you…been crying?" he inquired, noticing the redness of Alan's eyes.

"No!" snapped Alanna. "Real men don't cry." She bit her lip, wishing she hadn't said that.

"Alan, I've cried before, and I can assure you I'm a real man. You are too." When Squire Alan didn't reply, he asked, "Is it Cythera?"

"What?" asked Alanna. "How could you think…oh," she said, suddenly remembering that she couldn't tell Gary the real reason she was crying. "Um…yes, yes it is."

Gary nodded. "I knew you weren't telling the truth when you said you two were just friends. You're jealous that I escorted her to the party, aren't you?" Noticing this hadn't gotten a reply yet, he continued. "Alan, I need to tell you something. You know how George said that I was in love?"

"Yes…"

"I…think he may have been right. Maybe…maybe I'm in love with Lady Cythera."

Alanna's disbelief at Gary's stupidity overpowered her desire to cry over Jon. "Gary, do you even know what you just said?" she said patiently. "You can't be. You didn't know her until after George told you that. If you really are or were in love, it would have been with someone that you knew before. Not Lady Cythera."

"I'm sorry," she added gently, after seeing her words had hurt him. "But you would be more miserable if you didn't hear that, trust me…" memories of her painful break up came back to her as she said that.

"But…but that means…" Gary just stared at his friend.

"Means what?" Alanna inquired.

"I…nothing, nothing. Don't worry about it. I have to go. Nice talking to you, Alan." Gary turned around and walked away at a quick, measured pace. He glanced behind him. Alan was nowhere in sight. _Good, _he thought. _I can't have him knowing that if I'm not in love with Lady Cythera…I must be in love with him_.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well? What do you think? I'm not sure how to go from here, but…that was a really important chapter to have. Also, it's my longest chapter yet!


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